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#1 theacefes

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Posted 16 February 2010 - 01:23 PM

Please report typos or grammatical errors in the dialogue. No bug reports please.
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#2 CrazeeFFan

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Posted 23 February 2010 - 10:36 AM

These are the only points I noted down. I don't remember there being any more, but there may have been. I'll probably have another look.

Missed coma:
Sherry - Your father told you I was looking for you, right?

Awkward wording:
Sammi - Maybe... maybe my reward for my work will come later, and much more shinier!

Awkward wording:
Strange Woman - He may not be the best company as you probably know

Edited by CrazeeFFan, 23 February 2010 - 10:36 AM.


#3 Creepin

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Posted 26 February 2010 - 12:10 PM

Loren- Thank Ilmater! I will, of course, assist you in your own objectives...

I've been told that commas are used in english on rarer occasions than in russian so I might be wrong here, but it looks to me like the one I marked in red surely wouldn't harm.

#4 theacefes

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Posted 26 February 2010 - 12:26 PM

It could fit there, yes. Thanks.
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#5 berelinde

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Posted 26 February 2010 - 12:33 PM

Ah, commas, bane of the writer's existence. No matter how many you use, it never seems to be enough... except when it's too much.

Webster's Grammar Dictionary isn't even much help when it comes to them, so your best bet is to go with what sounds natural. I won't venture an opinion because grammar isn't my forte.
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#6 theacefes

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Posted 26 February 2010 - 02:11 PM

If you can take out the bit in the commas and the sentence is still correct, then it's typically okay to leave them.

If I'm still not sure though, I'll ask tcdale (writer of Crumbling Down in the FanFic forum). She'd know.
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#7 Creepin

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Posted 02 March 2010 - 11:54 PM

- From dialogue with Kelvin: "Nelson? I don't know a Nelson".
I was under impression that indefinite articles can't be used in conjunction with proper names, it kinda defies idea of indefiniteness :suspect:
Unless, of course, it's intentional to empfasise how much PC don't know Nelson :laugh:

- "Kelvin- Well, I lost the bet and, in the process, I also lost my ring."
IMO you should re-check commas here, either add red one or remove blue one.

Edited by Creepin, 03 March 2010 - 12:17 AM.


#8 Creepin

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Posted 15 March 2010 - 05:33 AM

This part of Duke Anton's dialogue: "I've known he's been after me..." looks somewhat strange to me. Might I suggest "I knew..."?
Or perhaps it's pretty common expression I'm just not familiar with. :)

Also, it looks like there's double blank between "he's" and "been".



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