5 replies to this topic

[BigRob]

Hello All,


It's Christmas where I'm at now, so I thought I'd drop in and hand out a little gift to everyone who's been waiting so patiently for Aklon all this time (ack, the fifth year, I really need to get a move on). For those of you celebrating the day, have yourselves a Merry Christmas (and perhaps be reading this on Boxing Day), and for those who don't, enjoy a free random sneak peek.


We have here a little moment of personal philosophy between Aklon and Haer'Dalis, one of the set of banters I'm currently writing. There is a slightly extended version of this that may show up in certain circumstances, but I'm ust leaving you the basic one here. Hey, I have to keep a few surprises for you.





Haer'Dalis: Ah, behold, the hero, fierce of eye and stern of countenance as he contemplates the tasks before him. But no, no paint, no soot colours this hero's brow. What skill and art then, to draw such lines upon a face?

Aklon: Shall I assume from your gestures and accompanying attempt to locate paint or soot on my face that you are speaking of me?

Haer'Dalis: Aye, aye, my wandering heron.

Aklon: By no means am I a hero, Haer'Dalis. I am merely a man trying to make his way in the world.

Haer'Dalis: Perhaps 'twas an exaggeration that passed my lips in that regard. You cannot deny though, that the art to paint such a countenance is within you.

Aklon: The expression I wear is appropriate to the situation.

Haer'Dalis: The heron duels with his tongue as he does with hands and feet. I say your face is artful for 'tis a reflection not of what is within your heart, but the intent of your will. You paint your own face to deceive those who gaze upon it.

Aklon: The mere appearance of confidence can deflect trouble as surely as sword, shield or spell.

Haer'Dalis: And every day you craft your mask and step out, hiding yourself from the world.

Aklon: I find this an odd cast of conversation from you, Haer'Dalis. As an actor, your very craft is to walk the stage and to become, or seem to be, someone else.

Haer'Dalis: Verily, that is my talent, and my art. Upon the stage I wear my masks, and remove them when I step down. Your mask is donned as you wake and is not removed ere sleep takes you.

Haer'Dalis: Every day, the face beneath becomes a little more like the mask above and you might no more take it off than were it chained to you. Where my own true heart tastes free air each moment not on the stage.

Aklon: That freedom is one that few can afford, Haer'Dalis. It has a price all of its own, albeit a price you might embrace.

Haer'Dalis: Aye. And embrace it I do, with joy and enthusiasm. You have struck the chains from your wrists before, Aklon, why not strike the chains from your heart? [End]

Edited by BigRob, 24 December 2008 - 05:33 PM.

[Tarayani]

Merry Christmas (from my vacationing in India, where it is mostly ignored. However, there was an employee at the Delhi airport on Christmas day dressed up as (a rather thin and dark) Santa Claus who was Ho-ho-hoing quite convincingly while handing out candy to little children )!

I really like this banter, and I hope this conversation between Aklon and Haer'Dalis continues in future ones -- it seems like this one is spent just getting to the point (which is fine), and the subject seems ripe for more discussion between these two. The only nitpick I have -- "with joy and enthusiasm" does not at all sound like something Haer'Dalis would say. Perhaps just "joyfully", or some synonym thereof?

If your other banters are as thoughtful and interesting as this one, Aklon will be satisfying and enjoyable without playing the romance/friendship

[BigRob]

Guest_Hesquidor_*, on Dec 25 2008, 10:35 PM, said:

*hearts* Thank you for the present. Hope you have a very merry Christams and the best of New Years.

You're welcome Hesquidor, thanks for reading, and I hope your Christmas was merry and your new year will be awesome.

Tarayani, on Dec 27 2008, 10:48 PM, said:

Merry Christmas (from my vacationing in India, where it is mostly ignored. However, there was an employee at the Delhi airport on Christmas day dressed up as (a rather thin and dark) Santa Claus who was Ho-ho-hoing quite convincingly while handing out candy to little children )!

Seems Santa has helpers everywhere these days. And a Merry(ed) Christmas to you too!

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I really like this banter, and I hope this conversation between Aklon and Haer'Dalis continues in future ones -- it seems like this one is spent just getting to the point (which is fine), and the subject seems ripe for more discussion between these two. The only nitpick I have -- "with joy and enthusiasm" does not at all sound like something Haer'Dalis would say. Perhaps just "joyfully", or some synonym thereof?

I do have plans to carry on this conversation, though not until ToB. I'd love toi have a little narrative running between all the NPCs an Aklon, but 'll be here forever if I try it.

Thanks too for the nitpicking, I do appreciate the criticism. On a second look, I tend to agree with you, that part of the line sounds a bit more cumbersome than something Haer'Dalis would use. I'll look at making a replacement there, perhaps passion or something similar.

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If your other banters are as thoughtful and interesting as this one, Aklon will be satisfying and enjoyable without playing the romance/friendship

Thanks very much for the vote of confidence, I hope Aklon fulfils those expectations when he's finally done.

Edited by BigRob, 27 December 2008 - 09:01 PM.

[KIrving]

Oh, thank you very much for this lovely gift!
(It helps to alleviate the feeling of 'Bah, humbug' that is my general state at this time of year. )

I like this banter a lot. The sense of verbal play is just right (IMO)and even to the point that Aklon actively returns the sport. I wonder if he also takes some of what Haer'Dalis observes to heart perhaps? Please do write a follow up banter for TOB!

[BigRob]

KIrving, on Dec 29 2008, 01:28 PM, said:

Oh, thank you very much for this lovely gift!
(It helps to alleviate the feeling of 'Bah, humbug' that is my general state at this time of year. )

You're welcome, KIrving, though maybe air-con would be more appreciated as a Christmas gift at the moment.

Quote

I like this banter a lot. The sense of verbal play is just right (IMO)and even to the point that Aklon actively returns the sport. I wonder if he also takes some of what Haer'Dalis observes to heart perhaps? Please do write a follow up banter for TOB!

Glad you liked it, I was quite pleased at the way this turned out in the end, I did want to do it as one of a couple of more serious banters that Aklon has with Haer'Dalis. This is a theme I do want to come back to later, so there should be a ToB follow up for this.