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A bit of conflict for the Holidays


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#1 BigRob

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Posted 23 December 2007 - 06:02 PM

Well, it's Christmas eve again (I have been at this a while, haven't I? ;) ) and since you all asked so nicely, I've got you a small present. Here for your enjoyment is one of the Aklon/Anomen romance conflict talks. This is the last of the set piece talks before the random ones start (assuming I can make things work that way).

Have a Merry Christmas everyone!







Of course, these are spoilers, so don't read if you don't want to see it until later...












This one takes place in a wilderness area.


Anomen: Must you grub about in the dirt like an addled child? We have more important things to do than play with the local greenery.

Aklon: We are not in so great a hurry as that. There is time for me to harvest a simple plant.

Anomen: It's wasted time, regardless. As is all that grinding you do at nights.

Aklon: The loss of my pharmacopoeia necessitates it. I must rebuild my stocks if I am to aid this party with healing.

Anomen: We don't need your hedge witch's excuse for healing. Helm grants me the power to heal far more certainly than your stinking concoctions.

Aklon: What if you should be injured? Will you rouse yourself from the threshold of death alone?

Anomen: Do not try to trap me with words. No one could administer a potion in the thick of battle to rouse a fallen healer.

Aklon: There are moments in battle when you cannot reach the injured lest you and they both be slain. A moment's respite may then be the difference between life and death. And what of others? What of <CHARNAME>? Would you throw aside my healing for her, simply for being inferior?

Anomen: Bah. If we were ever to come to such a pass, this company would surely be undone, with potions or without.

Aklon: Regardless, <CHARNAME> does not object to a miniscule pause that I might exercise my arts. I think it is she who is in charge of this company, yes?

Anomen: Hah! She is tolerant of a fool, I will say that. [End]

Edited by BigRob, 31 December 2007 - 09:54 PM.

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#2 Ankhesenpaaten

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Posted 23 December 2007 - 10:40 PM

I like! Thanks so much for the preview. A nice treat to tide me over until my pc can have Aklon for her very own! ;)

#3 Domi

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Posted 24 December 2007 - 10:53 AM

Oh, so Aklon can make potions then? Nice!

Rob, also, not to nit-pick, but I found it difficult to follow this part of the conversation:

Aklon: What if you should be injured? Will you rouse yourself from the threshold of death alone?

//I am not sure why there is alone at the end? Shouldn't it be just 'rouse from the threshold of death?"

Anomen: Do not try to trap me with words. No one could administer a potion in the thick of battle to rouse a fallen healer.

//Does Anomen imply that the potions are useless, because nobody will be able to get to him anyway with a potion? Seeing how they drink them all the time, Ano is a bit stubborn here, heh. Also, both of them using rouse in a quick succession might be too much.

Aklon: There are moments in battle when you cannot reach the injured lest you and they both be slain. A moment’s respite may then be the difference between life and death. And what of others? What of <CHARNAME>? Would you throw aside my healing for her, simply for being inferior?

//I think Aklon is trying to convey too many ideas in the same paragraph here. First, I assume he agrees with Anomen, but then suggests that a potion can give a lucky break? Then he goes back to the others (whom Anomen should be healing(?) The last sentence, does it mean that "Will you'd rather she die, then accept inferrior healing?" or something like that? I would kind of separate Aklon agreeing with Anomen, give Anomen a satisfied nod (he was RIGHT!), maybe lose a point about the life and death, but then get Aklon to go on the attack again, turning it into the conflict over Charname.

Anomen: Bah. If we were ever to some to such a pass, this company would surely be undone, with potions or without.

//I just don't understand the conditional portion of Anomen's reply. A typo or a missed word, perhaps? ('to come to such a path?' If Anomen means 'If Charname dies, we are screwed, no matter what,' won't Aklon react to this somehow, instead of dismissing it in the next sentence?

Edited by Domi, 24 December 2007 - 12:47 PM.

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#4 Ankhesenpaaten

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Posted 25 December 2007 - 10:22 AM

Good points you make, Domi. You know I wonder if Aklon can create potions too. I hadn't really thought of that aspect. After all BWL has a herbs and potions mod (I think it is called) so maybe Aklon can make a few items for the group. That would be great.

Your writing suggestions make sense to me let's see if BigRob agrees. Both of you are such good writers!

#5 KIrving

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Posted 25 December 2007 - 12:51 PM

Yay!!! ;) Thanks for the preview. It looks good. (I'd try to say something more constructive but I've got festive season brain fog.)

Quote

Aklon: What if you should be injured? Will you rouse yourself from the threshold of death alone?

As to what Domi said about this line, I assumed when reading it that the 'alone' bit meant that Anomen would need help with healing himself if gravely injured. That he couldn't expect to do it 'alone'. Perhaps a comma after 'death'? (Of course I could be barking up the wrong tree - brain fog remember ;) )
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#6 Eleima

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Posted 28 December 2007 - 12:44 AM

I have to admit I was a bit reluctant , at first, because I figured I was already sufficiently spoilt! ;) But I decided to go ahead and read the Holiday treat!
'Oh gosh, I just can't wait' is all I can say! ;) Keep up the good work!!
Domi does raise some interesting and valid points, I think, but I'll leave it up to you experts! ;)
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#7 Domi

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Posted 28 December 2007 - 07:23 AM

Quote

As to what Domi said about this line, I assumed when reading it that the 'alone' bit meant that Anomen would need help with healing himself if gravely injured. That he couldn't expect to do it 'alone'. Perhaps a comma after 'death'? (Of course I could be barking up the wrong tree - brain fog remember )

Oh, I see what you are saying now! I guess I needed more coffee! Or, perhaps a small reword, maybe "Can you rouse yourself from the brink of death on your own, Anomen?" Dunno if that any clearer, though. Heh, don't mind me ;)
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#8 Aeryn

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Posted 28 December 2007 - 09:05 AM

View PostBigRob, on Dec 23 2007, 06:02 PM, said:

Anomen: Do not try to trap me with words. No one could administer a potion in the thick of battle to rouse a fallen healer.

I was thinking that "no one" was supposed to be "anyone." ;)

And I'm looking forward to Aklon when you get him finished BigRob. ;)

#9 Ankhesenpaaten

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Posted 28 December 2007 - 01:41 PM

View PostDomi, on Dec 28 2007, 07:23 AM, said:

Quote

As to what Domi said about this line, I assumed when reading it that the 'alone' bit meant that Anomen would need help with healing himself if gravely injured. That he couldn't expect to do it 'alone'. Perhaps a comma after 'death'? (Of course I could be barking up the wrong tree - brain fog remember )

Oh, I see what you are saying now! I guess I needed more coffee! Or, perhaps a small reword, maybe "Can you rouse yourself from the brink of death on your own, Anomen?" Dunno if that any clearer, though. Heh, don't mind me ;)


My own 2 cents for what it's worth - that does make more sense to me, Domi. I had to reread the line as it was a couple of times to figure it out and I'm a native speaker. But my brain is fogged a lot so maybe it is just me. ;)

#10 BigRob

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Posted 28 December 2007 - 10:04 PM

Thanks for reading and commenting everyone, I'm glad you've enjoyed the little preview. ;)

And hopefully, this will be the last Christmas preview... well for SoA Aklon, anyway.



View PostDomi, on Dec 25 2007, 04:53 AM, said:

Oh, so Aklon can make potions then? Nice!
Yep, Aklon will be able to make various potions. You'll need to get his pharmacopoiea back if you want anything more than basic healing potions, and he might need a rare ingedient or two for the more powerful ones, but he'll be able to provide some liquid assistance for the party.


Quote

Rob, also, not to nit-pick, but I found it difficult to follow this part of the conversation:

Aklon: What if you should be injured? Will you rouse yourself from the threshold of death alone?

//I am not sure why there is alone at the end? Shouldn't it be just 'rouse from the threshold of death?"


View PostKIrving, on Dec 26 2007, 06:51 AM, said:

As to what Domi said about this line, I assumed when reading it that the 'alone' bit meant that Anomen would need help with healing himself if gravely injured. That he couldn't expect to do it 'alone'. Perhaps a comma after 'death'? (Of course I could be barking up the wrong tree - brain fog remember ;) )


Quote

Oh, I see what you are saying now! I guess I needed more coffee! Or, perhaps a small reword, maybe "Can you rouse yourself from the brink of death on your own, Anomen?" Dunno if that any clearer, though. Heh, don't mind me ???


Quote

My own 2 cents for what it's worth - that does make more sense to me, Domi. I had to reread the line as it was a couple of times to figure it out and I'm a native speaker. But my brain is fogged a lot so maybe it is just me. ;)

Nitpicking is always welcome, it'll help me iron out problems I don't see for myself.

KIrving got it right, the point of the line was that Aklon was asking Anomen if he could fix himself up from a serious injury without help. I see that the wording is not entirely clear... a bit of an occupational hazard since Aklon does use some pretty obscure dialogue. I've gone with the alternate wording you've suggested, it should be easier to wade through.




Quote

Anomen: Do not try to trap me with words. No one could administer a potion in the thick of battle to rouse a fallen healer.

//Does Anomen imply that the potions are useless, because nobody will be able to get to him anyway with a potion? Seeing how they drink them all the time, Ano is a bit stubborn here, heh. Also, both of them using rouse in a quick succession might be too much.

View PostAeryn, on Dec 29 2007, 03:05 AM, said:

View PostBigRob, on Dec 23 2007, 06:02 PM, said:

Anomen: Do not try to trap me with words. No one could administer a potion in the thick of battle to rouse a fallen healer.

I was thinking that "no one" was supposed to be "anyone." ???
Nope, it is meant to me "no one". Anomen's basically saying that if the battle is that bad, anyone trying to pour a potion down his throat is going to get killed anyway. I might make a modification there to make it more clear what's being said.

But yes, Anomen is being needlessly stubborn here. Anomen does tend to blow up his own skills and denigrate those he doesn't like... and where the hand of the fair maid might be at stake, why let logic or experience change that? ???



Quote

Aklon: There are moments in battle when you cannot reach the injured lest you and they both be slain. A moment’s respite may then be the difference between life and death. And what of others? What of <CHARNAME>? Would you throw aside my healing for her, simply for being inferior?

//I think Aklon is trying to convey too many ideas in the same paragraph here. First, I assume he agrees with Anomen, but then suggests that a potion can give a lucky break? Then he goes back to the others (whom Anomen should be healing(?) The last sentence, does it mean that "Will you'd rather she die, then accept inferrior healing?" or something like that? I would kind of separate Aklon agreeing with Anomen, give Anomen a satisfied nod (he was RIGHT!), maybe lose a point about the life and death, but then get Aklon to go on the attack again, turning it into the conflict over Charname.

Originally, this was double the size, and I was struggling to think of a way to split it up again, but I think you've hit a good way to do it. Sometimes the old brain don't shift gears so readily. Thanks for the suggestion. ???



Quote

Anomen: Bah. If we were ever to some to such a pass, this company would surely be undone, with potions or without.

//I just don't understand the conditional portion of Anomen's reply. A typo or a missed word, perhaps? ('to come to such a path?' If Anomen means 'If Charname dies, we are screwed, no matter what,' won't Aklon react to this somehow, instead of dismissing it in the next sentence?

"Come to such a pass" is a fairly old expression meaning roughly "things have happened like this". It's related to phrases like "It came to pass" and "what passed between them". I figure it will be a nice phrase for Anomen to use and not sound so modern as I sometimes make him, but basically he's saying "If Charname dies, we're screwed".

Aklon basically lets this one go as he thinks that Anomen's arguing for the sake of it and he just gives up. While he's got the last word, I didn't want him to have the "last word" for this one. I can probably add something like "That is something we can agree on" as a reaction that won't leave Aklon winning this one.

Edited by BigRob, 28 December 2007 - 10:08 PM.

Aklon: Traveller. Healer. Warrior. Lover. Coming Soon at G3 (I swear!)

Click here to visit Aklon's G3 page.

Cam is on some kind of crack or something... either that, or it's the influence of Dr. Feelgood. - Icelus


The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.

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#11 celticrose

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Posted 30 December 2007 - 01:00 AM

;)
Thank you for the gift . . .
Since many are weighing in with their 2 cents, let me say that I had no trouble following the line of conversation and was quite familiar with the phrasing, " . . . come to such a pass."

I think Aklon is truly giving Anomen a run for his money. Aklon is a healer that does not require his god's favor and his healing skill(s) is/are limited only in supplies, not in a number of spells that require rest to renew. Add to that, Aklon's skill as a fighter, and most of all . . . his charm ;) and it is no wonder that warrior priest of Helm is cranky ;)


Bravo BigRob ! You too Aklon ???

Keep up the good work and thank-you for sharing,

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#12 BigRob

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Posted 30 December 2007 - 09:24 PM

Thanks for the positive comments (and the continuing patience!). I hope Aklon can give Anomen a run for his money, as well as Anomen giving Aklon a run for his. It's no fun for CHARNAME if there's no contest, right?
Aklon: Traveller. Healer. Warrior. Lover. Coming Soon at G3 (I swear!)

Click here to visit Aklon's G3 page.

Cam is on some kind of crack or something... either that, or it's the influence of Dr. Feelgood. - Icelus


The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.

-Douglas Adams

#13 Domi

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 03:39 AM

Rob, ther eis a typo in that line, it says 'some' instead of 'come', that's why it got me so confused in the first place. ;)
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#14 celticrose

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 09:50 PM

View PostBigRob, on Dec 30 2007, 09:24 PM, said:

Thanks for the positive comments (and the continuing patience!). I hope Aklon can give Anomen a run for his money, as well as Anomen giving Aklon a run for his. It's no fun for CHARNAME if there's no contest, right?


True, true . . . I am sure that the boys will give CHARNAME a wonderful show to watch ;) and attention to bask in. Oh my, I guess that sounds rather conceited of CHARNAME doesn't it . . . ;)
Well, with death awaiting her around every corner, she needs to get some positive male attention while she can. Plus, we can aways count on Jaheira to keep her from getting too big of a head, right? ;)

Looking forward to it!!! ???

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#15 BigRob

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Posted 31 December 2007 - 09:53 PM

View PostDomi, on Dec 31 2007, 09:39 PM, said:

Rob, ther eis a typo in that line, it says 'some' instead of 'come', that's why it got me so confused in the first place. ;)

Doh! Well colour me stupid, that completely slipped me by. ;)

I've fixed it now, sorry for the confusion. ;)

Edited by BigRob, 31 December 2007 - 11:05 PM.

Aklon: Traveller. Healer. Warrior. Lover. Coming Soon at G3 (I swear!)

Click here to visit Aklon's G3 page.

Cam is on some kind of crack or something... either that, or it's the influence of Dr. Feelgood. - Icelus


The second confusing thing about Australia are the animals. They can be divided into three categories: Poisonous, Odd, and Sheep.

-Douglas Adams




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