Thanks for reading and commenting everyone, I'm glad you've enjoyed the little preview.
And hopefully, this will be the last Christmas preview... well for SoA Aklon, anyway.
Domi, on Dec 25 2007, 04:53 AM, said:
Oh, so Aklon can make potions then? Nice!
Yep, Aklon will be able to make various potions. You'll need to get his pharmacopoiea back if you want anything more than basic healing potions, and he might need a rare ingedient or two for the more powerful ones, but he'll be able to provide some liquid assistance for the party.
Quote
Rob, also, not to nit-pick, but I found it difficult to follow this part of the conversation:
Aklon: What if you should be injured? Will you rouse yourself from the threshold of death alone?
//I am not sure why there is alone at the end? Shouldn't it be just 'rouse from the threshold of death?"
KIrving, on Dec 26 2007, 06:51 AM, said:
As to what Domi said about this line, I assumed when reading it that the 'alone' bit meant that Anomen would need help with healing himself if gravely injured. That he couldn't expect to do it 'alone'. Perhaps a comma after 'death'? (Of course I could be barking up the wrong tree - brain fog remember
)
Quote
Oh, I see what you are saying now! I guess I needed more coffee! Or, perhaps a small reword, maybe "Can you rouse yourself from the brink of death on your own, Anomen?" Dunno if that any clearer, though. Heh, don't mind me
Quote
My own 2 cents for what it's worth - that does make more sense to me, Domi. I had to reread the line as it was a couple of times to figure it out and I'm a native speaker. But my brain is fogged a lot so maybe it is just me.
Nitpicking is always welcome, it'll help me iron out problems I don't see for myself.
KIrving got it right, the point of the line was that Aklon was asking Anomen if he could fix himself up from a serious injury without help. I see that the wording is not entirely clear... a bit of an occupational hazard since Aklon does use some pretty obscure dialogue. I've gone with the alternate wording you've suggested, it should be easier to wade through.
Quote
Anomen: Do not try to trap me with words. No one could administer a potion in the thick of battle to rouse a fallen healer.
//Does Anomen imply that the potions are useless, because nobody will be able to get to him anyway with a potion? Seeing how they drink them all the time, Ano is a bit stubborn here, heh. Also, both of them using rouse in a quick succession might be too much.
Aeryn, on Dec 29 2007, 03:05 AM, said:
BigRob, on Dec 23 2007, 06:02 PM, said:
Anomen: Do not try to trap me with words. No one could administer a potion in the thick of battle to rouse a fallen healer.
I was thinking that "no one" was supposed to be "anyone."
Nope, it is meant to me "no one". Anomen's basically saying that if the battle is that bad, anyone trying to pour a potion down his throat is going to get killed anyway. I might make a modification there to make it more clear what's being said.
But yes, Anomen is being needlessly stubborn here. Anomen does tend to blow up his own skills and denigrate those he doesn't like... and where the hand of the fair maid might be at stake, why let logic or experience change that?
Quote
Aklon: There are moments in battle when you cannot reach the injured lest you and they both be slain. A moment’s respite may then be the difference between life and death. And what of others? What of <CHARNAME>? Would you throw aside my healing for her, simply for being inferior?
//I think Aklon is trying to convey too many ideas in the same paragraph here. First, I assume he agrees with Anomen, but then suggests that a potion can give a lucky break? Then he goes back to the others (whom Anomen should be healing(?) The last sentence, does it mean that "Will you'd rather she die, then accept inferrior healing?" or something like that? I would kind of separate Aklon agreeing with Anomen, give Anomen a satisfied nod (he was RIGHT!), maybe lose a point about the life and death, but then get Aklon to go on the attack again, turning it into the conflict over Charname.
Originally, this was double the size, and I was struggling to think of a way to split it up again, but I think you've hit a good way to do it. Sometimes the old brain don't shift gears so readily. Thanks for the suggestion.
Quote
Anomen: Bah. If we were ever to some to such a pass, this company would surely be undone, with potions or without.
//I just don't understand the conditional portion of Anomen's reply. A typo or a missed word, perhaps? ('to come to such a path?' If Anomen means 'If Charname dies, we are screwed, no matter what,' won't Aklon react to this somehow, instead of dismissing it in the next sentence?
"Come to such a pass" is a fairly old expression meaning roughly "things have happened like this". It's related to phrases like "It came to pass" and "what passed between them". I figure it will be a nice phrase for Anomen to use and not sound so modern as I sometimes make him, but basically he's saying "If Charname dies, we're screwed".
Aklon basically lets this one go as he thinks that Anomen's arguing for the sake of it and he just gives up. While he's got the last word, I didn't want him to have the "last word" for this one. I can probably add something like "That is something we can agree on" as a reaction that won't leave Aklon winning this one.
Edited by BigRob, 28 December 2007 - 10:08 PM.
1
)
and attention to bask in. Oh my, I guess that sounds rather conceited of CHARNAME doesn't it . . . 
