9 replies to this topic

[BigRob]

Interesting work, Grogerson, it's familiar territory to most of us, but you've managed to take that familiarity and put in some mystery. Who is this god of light that holds back the dark? Is it a god of light at all?

Well told from the pespective of the characters too. For a mostly narrative tale, they shine through, especially Imoen. I also like the main character's name, Covenant could be both prophecy and a reminder to Gorion.



Just to be nit picky, here are some typos I spotted in the text:

Quote

For a moment she thought he was tring to scare her. Then she saw a twinkle in his eye. If he was a paladin, he certainly was like none she had ever heard of.

Should be "trying"

Quote

Covenant had carried her for nearly an hour before setting her down to walk on her own. Nothing was said from the time they left the body of her attacker, and the silence continued until the sun had reached it's zenith. They stopped for a few minutes to eat some bread and cheese and drink some water.

Should be "its" (I do this one enough myself)

Quote

They had to leave before sunrise when Imoen's curiosity created an uproar, and they barely beating the guards through the gate.

Should be "beat"

Quote

The next morning she watched as Covenant went around town for supplies, even to a Temple of Lathander for some healing potions, which he put in her charge. He also picked up another party member, a weakling male named Garrick. All they had to do was kill a trolop calling herself Silke. What skills he could possibly provide was beyond her.

Should be "trollop"

Quote

When they returned to Beregost he managed to net some interesting items as well as gold. The mad cleric Bassilus was most profitable when they returned his holy symbol to the Temple of Lathander. Covenant used the money to buy more supplies, including a suit of enchanded chain mail and sling for her. She was given Bassilus' enchanted hammer and some pathetic paladin's magic shield as well.

Should be "enchanted"

Quote

In the doorway stood the two men. A shocked sadness was on Garrick's face. Covenant's face was emotionless, but his eyes held a deap shadow. "You're showing your wisdom, Lady Viconia, though I expected you two to get my journal before this." He had no anger or bitterness in his voice.

Should be "deep"

[DalreïDal]

Excellent! Very interesting perspective on Covenant and Viconia... I'll be waiting for more.

[BigRob]

The new part is a great addition. Interesting that, as the whole thing is told form Viconia's viewpoint, only those things important to her get well touched on. I like the twist of the binding ritual at Sarevok's end.

We still don't know who Covenant's god is (is it perhaps the divinity of Covenant himself?), but it'll be interesting to see if or how this question gets answered in any possible future parts.

[Bri]

Indeed, excellent start...hope to see more coming along.

[grogerson]

Thanks for the compliments, all.

Familiarity with BG1 made the first part easy, but my familiarity with BG2 is sadly lacking. I have yet to get past the Promenade.

Once the BG1 Tweak Pack gets up and running I'll go on to SoA/ToB, so it may be a while.

[tcdale]

Just started reading (parts 1-3), and off to a very good start. (Although I guess by now it's probably finished.) I think the first chapter is actually the 'strongest' of them so far; the second chapter gets a little "laundry-list"-y (went here, did that, went there, did this), especially if you're not that familiar with the events of BG1 (which, as it's been a while since I've played it, I'm not). I realize it would add a lot more length to the story, but fleshing out some of the more important battles (like that with Bassilus) would be nice, I think.

Viconia's character is pretty well consistant so far, as is Imoen's and Covenant's. (Gotta say, like some others, I love his name.) I think Viconia's being a little too friendly/open to be really "drowish", but since she's an outcast/outsider, it's forgiveable. I think her banter with Imoen over Covenant and seducing him is especially well done.

Quip about drowishness: I really don't think a true drow "raiding party" would have tripped the traps and then just waltzed in and started talking. I think they'd rather attack without being seen and (if position gives them away), attack from afar with magic (or at least buff themselves up with spells before coming in). Drow are far from stupid, to put themselves in such an awkward/vulnerable position.

Will read more later

[Jordoo]

Wow, I started reading this a couple days ago and got completely sucked in, just finished. I'm have no experties in writing or anything like that, but I really enjoyed the story. Thanks so much for sharing.


Edit
Just some thoughts:
I loved everything being from Vici's perspective.

I thought you did an excellent job showing how both Vici and Cov had almost impossible situations to navigate but each still gave up the dream of each other for each other before it could finally be realized.

It was cool to see how Cov and some of the others used Vici for advice and support once they trusted her. they could rely on her pulling no punches and telling them how it was from her evil perspective. Very interesting.

BTW my first BGII run I was a Paladin and romanced Vici. Of course my Paladin didn't resist her charms as long as Cov did and could not save her of her fate in the end. Oh how that epilog made me madd!

Edited by Jordoo, 23 October 2009 - 06:52 AM.